Pokemon Mystery Doldrums: Distorters of Sanity
by InconvenientMoonRising
Summary: A slice of life fic set after Explorers of Sky, where the hero and partner become stranded in the human world, and have to find a way to get the partner back home before they drive each other insane.


"Alright, let's see. Groceries, newspaper, our new books, the uphoundour mum asked for - I don't _think_ we've forgotten anything." A boy was rifling through a series of shopping bags. "Hey Cinder, was there anything else on the lis- and she's gone again." He sighed.

"Hey, Max, check this out!" The voice of his missing friend came from a thick forest of bushes at the edge of the park they were in.

"Stop trying to recruit children!" He yelled without turning around, mentally preparing himself to deal with another concerned set of parents.

"It's not kids this time!" Came the response.

Attempted child endangerment or not, three days of this had taught him to prepare a quick escape. He grabbed a ball from his pocket and threw it into the air with a flourish. With a blinding flash of light and a sharp, piercing cry, his loyal Starraptor emerged, and dutifully knelt down so her trainer could start attaching his bags to a harness. A rustling sound drew some of his attention away from his task, and he glanced as his friend emerged.

Despite it being a pleasant spring day, the girl who stepped out of the bushes was wearing a puffy orange coat, a brown scarf wrapped snugly around her neck. A fringe of ginger curls jutted out from under a bobble hat, and a smirk that wouldn't be out of place on a Carnivine split her features.

However, all of that paled in comparison to the veritable swarm of Vulpix crowding around her ankles, baying incessantly.

"Behold, I have found my people!" She crowed triumphantly, her grin somehow widening even more. "And all it cost me was what's left of my dignity!"

"What dignity?"

"Har-de-har-har, ya jerk. You're just jealous that Turtwigs are rare here, and that you're gonna die without knowing the joys of socialising with your own kind."

Starraptor leaned away from the mewling horde and gave him an unimpressed glare through lidded eyes.

"Yeah, I can't say I blame you, pal." He muttered. He stepped backwards, apparently satisfied with how secure the bags were, and straightened up, turning to face his friend.

"You can't keep them." He said, cutting off whatever she was going to say next.

"I wasn't gonna say we should!" She gasped in mock offense. "I just wanted to introduce my new friends to my best friend! Is that so wrong?"

"When those 'new friends' smell like a back alley and probably have several diseases unknown to modern science, then yes." In response to this, several of the Vulpix glared at him, offended at this insult to their glamourous pelts and robust immune systems. Undaunted, he returned the gesture. "Oh, don't give me that look. When was the last time any of you had a decent bath?" At that, the upset foxes backed down, some of them starting to tear up. "Yeah, that's what I thought." Cinder's confident grin turned into a concerned frown, and a sigh escaped her lips.

"Hey, ease up on the judging there, stumpy." She draped a twig covered arm over his shoulders. "At least let me introduce you before you start insulting them. Max, this is The Gang. They're a particularly stylish crew of mirror-world me's that like to hang out in nice parks and outside the salon we passed on the way here. The Gang, this is Max. He used to be a Turtwig, but he was always this rude to people, or Pokemon, that he's just met. Despite what you've just seen, he's usually pretty nice after you get to know him. _Usually_." She gave him a pointed look, and he winced internally.

He looked them over again, noting that most of them seemed to have styled their fur and manes. It seemed that what he had at first dismissed as a common pack of stray Pokemon was in fact more than that. He sighed, partially in exasperation at having to apologise to those he had initially dismissed as beneath him, but mostly in disappointment at himself, as it seemed that he still retained the elitism he had hoped he had grown beyond as a person. He crouched down to look them in the eye.

"You're right. I'm sorry that I called you all filthy and unwashed. It was unfair of me to make that assumption, especially when I've just met you, and I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me for my rudeness. And yes, I did in fact spend a year of my life in the body of a Turtwig." At their confused looks, he added "I'm not too sure of the details either. There was some kind of time travel thing, I joined a pyramid scheme, Dialga nearly killed me, and now Cinder's a human and stole my mattress. It was by far the strangest experience I've ever had, including right now, when I'm admitting to having been turned into a Turtwig in public."

"Hey, look at this!" Cinder giggled, "The Tin 'Mon's got a heart after all!"

"Say, if I'm the Tin 'Mon of the guild, and I think we can both agree that Bidoof's the ScareMurkrow, what does that leave you as?"

Her grin froze for a moment, and he pressed the advantage.

"Or perhaps the inverse is more appropriate? Bidoof can be a little skittish, but he has his moments of bravery, and I can certainly imagine you with a head stuffed full of straw."

"Shut the Distortion your mouth."

"Wait, I've got more!"

"Oh goodness, look at the time!" She brought her wrist up to her face. "Isn't it getting late? We promised your mum we'd be back before sundown, and you don't want her to worry, do you?"

"It's half past three, and you're not wearing a watch."

"Yeah, but you said that we needed to get the frozen food back home before it defroze, remember?"

"It's called _defrosted_. Alright, if you insist." He turned back to face the increasingly amused pack of Vulpix, some of whom had started giggling during their exchange. "Once again, I'm sorry for my earlier behaviour, and I'd be happy to stop by and chat if I'm ever in the area, if that's alright."

There was a contemplative pause from the gang. This human-turned-Turtwig-turned-human-again was pretty rude at first, but he had apologised almost as fast. And besides, with the way the big stylish talking Vulpix had described him, he just seemed to be that way with new people. Plus, she had shown them this neat bow, and mentioned that he had worn a matching one during their travels. Nobody that stylish could ever be villainous, right?

They smiled and nodded. If he was willing to try and get along with them, they were pretty sure they were legally required to return the favour or something.

"Great! Oh, I just knew you'd get along just fine once you stopped actively disliking each other. Anyway, we'll see ya later!"

With a series of farewell yips, the Vulpix wandered off, back to the alleyway stylists or whatever they did in their spare time.

The two (current) humans clambered onto Starraptor, Max taking the front to relay directions better, and made one last check to see if they'd forgotten anything. With a wave of air that scattered the litter and loose leaves around them, Starraptor flapped her wings and took off, headed to home in Twinleaf town to the south.

"So, homeward bound, oh fearless leader?"

"Indeed, unless you can think of something else you wanted to do today."

Her seemingly omnipresent grin wavered for a second, and a note of vulnerable concern crept into her voice.

"Hey, not that I'm ungrateful for you letting me sleep on your sofa or anything, but how are we going to get me home, exactly?"

He took one arm off of Starraptor's neck, blindly flailing behind him to attempt to reassure his friend, eventually grasping what was probably a shoulder and gently patting in what was supposed to be a comforting gesture.

"Well, the champion, Lucas, has Palkia on his team, and he's going to be in Sandgem town next week, so my master plan is to harass him until he gives us a more permanent way of getting between worlds."

Unbeknownst to him, relief flooded her face, and her trademark smirk made its triumphant return to where it belonged.

"Didn't your last 'master plan' end with you getting erased from time? I'm not sure I trust your judgement on this one."

"I got un-erased! And other than that, it worked perfectly!"

"Ah, yes. I'm certain that scaring me and the guild half to death and getting pity-revived by Arceus was all a part of one of your unparalleled schemes."

"Oi!"

Their bickering voices faded into the distance, and relative peace returned to Jubilife city park once more.


End file.
